I have given birth a beautiful baby girl on 5 of September 2015. It was really traumatic yet very please moment. The giving birth's pain was crucial up until I never thought I could endure it. But with Allah's will, everything went well. With my profession as nutritionist by job, I have the luxury to attend breastfeeding class that are maybe not possible for public. I was so fired up to breastfeed my own child. The theories were all at my fingertips. Nothing can stop me I guess.
But I was too confident. Maybe up to a point being self centred and arrogant. The battle of breastfeeding is real. It is not as simple as the theory. I was totally forgot about people that surround me. They were the ones that crushes me down. Despite of what I suppose to do, they turned me down. And the postpartum depression is real. Even little words of discouragement do collapsed me. They can be your worst enemy. I am losing day by day. Nothing good come out emotionally and physically.
Things doesn't stop there. My baby girl slowly detected with jaundis. Only mom's breast milk can sore jaundis away. The pressure is on. Not just on but keep rising up. People surround you start thinking you doesn't have what it takes to be a mom. How do you feel? Agitated? Frustrated? All the bad feeling come and stay to worsen my breastfeeding journey. Luckily, my baby girl still breastfed with me eventhough it just for a few drops of breast milk. I just want her to be healthy. I will go to any extend to help her.
After two long consecutive weeks, her jaundis have gone. So does my desire to breastfeed my child. Nothing happened to my breast. Not even a feeling of fullness as described in the theory. After a while, I just don't want to think about it, just want to take care of my child. Understanding her needs and habit. What is more important is her health.
Two months has passed. Counting days to get back to work. Bear in mind, I am a nutritionist by job. People expect me to be exemplary in nutrition aspect. Now I don't breastfeed my child, the public's perceptions must have shifted. Even my nutritionist colleagues started asked questions on how my breastfeeding journey. Something that I don't gone through. Even so, I don't lie. Because it just hurts more. Better be bold than sorry.
People will always judge. It is nature. Nothing will stop them. Be yourself. And I am still working it out. Figuring on how to add more milk. So when people stop telling you from taking any milk booster it just hurt you. I truly understand them. People like me truly desperate enough. But then, people will always judge. As long your baby loves you and in healthy and pink condition, there's nothing you should worry. I know I am now against my regime nutritionist on 'Breastmilk is the best milk for babies'. But not all mothers want to. Things happened. Let's help rather than being judgemental.
For those mothers out there that having difficulties as I am, don't be sad. You are not alone. Many faces the same problem, they just don't show it. Be strong. And wins this battle. InshaAllah.